Not Sure How to Choose a Therapist? Start With These Therapy Consultation Questions
Choosing a new therapist can be a daunting task, whether you’re moving on to a new therapist or starting for the first time. You might be searching for therapists near me online, scrolling through profiles, or asking around for recommendations. And through it all, you’re probably wondering, “how I do actually know if they can help me”
Many therapists offer a free consultation to help gauge if you’d be a good fit working together. That consultation helps the therapist get a feel for if they can help you and if you’d be a good fit, but it’s also a time for you to evaluate and get to know them as a therapist. Knowing some helpful questions to ask a therapist can help you feel more grounded during the call, more empowered, and to feel more confident in your decision to move forward (or keep looking).
If you’ve been feeling unsure about how to choose a therapist, it can be helpful to have some therapy consultation questions prepared, some idea of what to listen for in the answers, and how to know if it feels like a good fit for you.
This Call Is for You, Too
Many therapist offer a free consultation, usually about 15-20 minutes, before moving on to schedule a first full session. This call is meant to work for both you and therapist.
This call is meant to:
Give you a feel for how comfortable you are talking with the therapist
Give the therapist a sense of whether your concerns match their areas of expertise
Allow both of you to determine whether it seems like a good working relationship
As therapists, we want to be able to assess fit so we can make progress and help our clients toward their goals. We also want our clients to feel comfortable with us. If you don’t feel like you can open up to your therapist, it can inhibit the therapeutic relationship. If you trust your therapist, you’re more likely to engage in the tools they suggest and think about the reflections they offer.
Do I Actually Feel Comfortable With This Person?
Then you think about questions to ask a therapist, the most important result of the questions is getting a feel for therapeutic fit. Research consistently shows that the relationship between the therapist and the client is one of the strongest predictors of successful therapeutic outcomes. So it matters that you like your therapist!
In order to get a feel for this over these first few minutes talking, pay attention to:
Are they listening carefully to what you are sharing?
Do you feel understood?
Do their interpretations feel accurate?
Do they sound empathetic, curious, and engaged?
Do you feel rushed, or supported?
You can’t know everything about this potential therapist and how you will feel together long term in 20 minutes, but you can notice your internal response. Do you feel relatively comfortable? Slightly more hopeful? Understood?
Some therapy consultation questions to ask around goodness of fit are:
What types of clients do you work best with?
How do you know when therapy is going well?
What does a typical session with you look like?
These questions can help you picture the experience and some basics around if it’s a good fit.
How Would You Actually Help Me?
Some people come into a consultation with a therapist prepared to ask about theory and modality. Those sound like informational and intelligent questions, and they can helpful if the answers actually make sense to you. But if CBT, ACT, EFT are just nonsensical acryonyms to you rather than different therapy modalities (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy), then it doesn’t really help you to hear this and can actually confuse you more and take your attention away from what really matters to you.
There isn’t one single right fit modality that works for everyone. Instead of focusing only on labels, consider these therapy consultation questions to assess if their treatment approach can support you.
How do you typically work with someone who struggles with anxiety?
How would you help me build coping tools?
What does progress look like in your work?
Do you give homework or things to practice or focus on between sessions?
How active are you in session? Do you guide a lot or mostly listen?
The answers to these questions may resonate for you and not someone else, and that’s why they can help you get a feel for if this therapist is going to be the right fit for you.
You are allowed to be direct and ask about your specific situation. Often, specific answers that relate to what you’re going through can feel reassuring or give you a sign that this isn’t the direction you want to go. For example:
How would you help me have a healthier relationship with myself?
What would our first few sessions focus on, given what I’ve shared with you?
Have you worked with people who struggle with anxious attachment (or insert your specific concern here).
Pay Attention to Your Gut (Not Just Their Credentials)
When people think about how to choose a therapist, they might focus on credentials, years of experience, or treatment modality. These things do matter, but what probably matters even more if how you feel in the interaction.
After the consultation, take a moment to check in with yourself.
Did I feel heard?
Did I feel judged?
Did I feel comfortable enough to keep talking?
Do I feel cautiously hopeful?
Would I feel okay growing to be more vulnerable with this person?
You don’t need to, and probably can’t, feel 100% certain after a 20 minute phone call, but you want to feel safe enough to explore the relationship. And if something feels off, it’s okay to keep looking.
Okay, I Booked It. Now What?
If the consultation goes well, you’ll likely schedule a first session with the therapist. And that may leave you wondering what to ask during therapy intake. Intake sessions are a full session, not just a 20 minute call, and are often more structured and detailed than following sessions. You can ask some of these questions during that intake:
How long do clients tend to work with you?
How will we know when I’m ready to stop?
What happens if I feel stuck?
How do you handle ruptures or misunderstandings?
This is your therapy session, so feel free to share your concerns or worries about therapy or the progress! It’s also appropriate to want to know the logistics. Most therapists will go over logistics in or before the first session, but if they don’t, some helpful questions are:
What is your cancellation policy?
What is your policy about between-session contact?
Clear expectations and understanding can reduce anxiety and help you and your therapist be on the same page as you get started.
You Don’t Have to Decide Immediately
A consultation with a potential therapist is free, and there are no strings attached. If you aren’t sure how you feel, you don’t have to schedule right away. If you want to talk to a few therapists before deciding which direction to go, that’s fine.
And, if you feel comfortable and ready to get started, it’s okay to move forward. Getting that first session scheduled from a consultation is the best way to keep yourself accountable and moving forward in this step toward taking care of yourself! Having even this short consultation can make the first full session feel less awkward. You’ve already shared what you’re coming in for, so you know your therapist won’t be surprised.
You’re Allowed to Be Picky
If you’re not sure how to choose a therapist, I hope these questions to ask a therapist during a consultation gives you some guidance and helps you feel informed instead of intimidated or lost. And remember, you’re allowed to ask anything you want to ask, to take your time, and to choose someone who feels right for you. Therapy is a vulnerable, often long process, and the relationship matters. A thoughtful set of therapy consultation questions can give you a first step toward clarity and confidence.
You don’t have to be certain of what you need when starting therapy, just willing to explore.
If you’re ready to explore working together, schedule a free consultation and bring your questions. This is your chance to see how I think, how I listen, and whether it feels right.