How Low Confidence Impacts Your Relationships, and What to Do About It
Many people struggle with self-worth, even if they appear confident on the outside. Sometimes that confidence is real, and sometimes it’s a mask, one we wear to cover the inner voice that tells us we’re not good enough. That voice can be especially loud in relationships. If you find yourself feeling anxious, overly accommodating, or unsure of yourself around others—worried that if you don’t show up just right, people might pull away—you’re not alone.
Low confidence and self-doubt can affect relationships in all kinds of subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways. But the good news is, these patterns can shift. Therapy for self-esteem can help you build confidence from the inside out, improve your relationships, and start showing up more fully as yourself.
How Self-Esteem and Confidence Shape Your Relationships
Self-esteem and self-confidence are closely related, but they’re not exactly the same. Self-esteem is about how much you value and appreciate yourself as a person. It’s shaped by your life experiences, how others treat you, and how you interpret those experiences. The way you talk to yourself every day plays a big role in either building up or breaking down your self-esteem.
Self-confidence, on the other hand, is more about your belief in your abilities. It can shift depending on the situation. You might feel confident at work, for example, but unsure in romantic or social settings.
Both self-esteem and confidence influence how you show up in relationships. Low self-confidence might sound like, “I don’t think I’m a good partner,” while low self-esteem might whisper, “If I don’t value myself, how could anyone else?” Whether you’re struggling with low confidence, low self-worth, or both, the patterns often look similar:
People-pleasing or fear of conflict
Difficulty asserting needs or setting boundaries
Overanalyzing interactions or constantly seeking reassurance
Staying in imbalanced or emotionally unsafe relationships
If you’re wondering how to spot low self-esteem or a lack of confidence in your own life, some common thought and behavior patterns might include:
“I worry they’ll leave if I don’t make them happy.”
“I apologize even when I don’t think I did anything wrong.”
“I feel resentful but don’t speak up.”
“I lose myself in relationships.”
Therapy for self-esteem can help you untangle these patterns, reconnect with your worth, and build more grounded, authentic relationships. Whether you're looking to boost your confidence, improve self-esteem, or simply feel more secure in your connections, self-esteem therapy can offer meaningful support.
Where Low Self-Esteem and Confidence Come From
Low confidence in relationships and low self-esteem often stem from multiple sources. If you’re experiencing either (or both), you’re not alone, and understanding where these patterns come from can help reduce shame and the sense that something is uniquely wrong with you.
One common root is early attachment. As babies and children, we form attachment bonds with our primary caregivers. Even when they were doing their best, they may not have provided the consistency, emotional availability, or attunement you needed. If your caregivers were unpredictable or inconsistent, you may have developed an anxious attachment style, which often shows up as low confidence in relationships and a fear that if you don’t constantly give or prove yourself, your partner may leave. If your caregivers were emotionally distant or dismissive, you may lean more toward avoidant attachment, which can bring a quieter but persistent sense of low self-worth and difficulty trusting intimacy.
But attachment isn’t the only influence. Even with attentive, loving parents, your self-esteem or confidence can take hits later in life. Relationship trauma, significant rejections, or painful breakups, especially those that left you questioning your worth, can diminish your belief in yourself as a partner. Just like failing a math test may have shaken your confidence in high school, being hurt by someone important can make you question your value in relationships. Abuse, in particular, can deeply damage your self-esteem and distort your sense of what you deserve.
Cultural and gender-based expectations also play a powerful role in shaping confidence and self-worth. If you were raised in a more conservative culture, you may have absorbed messages about how women should behave, messages about caregiving, self-sacrifice, or being “easygoing” in relationships. Even if you don’t consciously agree with those beliefs, they can unconsciously influence your behavior. And if you don’t live by them, you might feel guilt or self-doubt just for being true to yourself. All of this can chip away at your confidence and make it harder to build a healthy, secure sense of identity in relationships.
Steps Toward Healthier, More Confident Relationships
Self-awareness is a powerful first step. Understanding why you might struggle with low self-esteem or low confidence in relationships can help normalize your experience and make space for more self-compassion. From that compassionate lens, start noticing your own patterns, not to judge yourself, but to understand.
Do you avoid advocating for your needs out of fear your partner might pull away? Do you lose sight of your own interests in favor of theirs? These are common signs of low self-worth in relationships, and beginning to notice them is a sign of growth.
It can be helpful to spend some intentional time identifying your personal values and needs, both inside and outside of your relationship. When you’re clear on what matters to you, it becomes easier to make choices that align with who you are. Practice setting small boundaries that reflect your values. For example, if you don’t enjoy drinking but want to support your golf-loving partner, you might join them on the course and suggest dinner or coffee afterward instead of going to a brewery—just because that was their first suggestion.
The more you surround yourself with validating, emotionally safe people, the easier it becomes to express your needs and stand by your boundaries.
Therapy for self-esteem can be a transformative part of this process. A therapist can help you strengthen your self-awareness, practice self-compassion, and build confidence in expressing your needs. Self-esteem therapy also supports you in healing past experiences that may still be influencing your patterns. It’s not about becoming a different person, it’s about reconnecting with who you are, rebuilding your sense of self-worth, and reclaiming your voice.
As you do this work and begin improving self-esteem, the changes often ripple outward. Healthier boundaries, clearer communication, and stronger self-respect can all contribute to more secure, balanced relationships.
Change Is Possible
With time, self-awareness, and support, you can build your self-esteem and feel more confident in your relationships. If this blog resonated with you, take a moment to reflect:
What’s one way low self-worth has impacted your relationships?
Where do you think that lack of confidence or self-esteem may have started?
You deserve to feel grounded in who you are. You deserve to believe in yourself.
If you're ready to start improving your self-esteem and building healthier relationships, therapy for self-esteem can help. I’d love to support you on that journey.